To Him. To You.

DSC_0002I loved you. I did. Or maybe I thought I did. But if I thought I did, I swear, that thought was the most honest one. However, as Aerosmith says – life is a journey, not a destination. And I say, there is gold in these words.
I want to say Good bye and wish the very best of luck to you. As I write it, it sounds so lame and ridiculous, but I do want those things as I want Your country to be free (and you know how much I want that, sah?).
Esma, You have been the most attractive part of my life (and, sometimes, even me) for two years. You have been the most desired, exciting and hoped part of my life for all this time. And there was no illusion as your anger at me is suggesting you.
You have been also an essential part of my journey for this time, yet I don’t ever want to have this kind of emotional journey again. I had you and that is enough. It required too much from me. It made me do things that I never want to see myself doing. Ever again.
Do not get me wrong, I regret nothing. Not a single second nor emotion. I’ve learned through trials and tribulations here.
I guess, some people would call it an expression of love. We will never know. I will never know now.
But if my love expresses itself in this way, then, you know what, I would like to avoid this feeling as much as possible.
You’ll have to stick with me with these next few lines. I want to say something to You about You.
You are one of the most amazing, lovely, wonderful people that I have ever met in my life. And you know how many people I meet regularly. I have also told you this, but you somehow were always inclined to disbelieving me. I have also told you that simply you are too good for me and you refused to believe this as well. Now, I think, you have changed your mind, finally. There are simply some girls that are not worthy of some boys. True story.
You have a lot to do in Your life – to learn, to love, to raise, to protect… to stay in my heart as the most precious memory which will always bring pain and joy together.
Now. I will not say anything about myself in this case. All what you know and think of me is real. It is my reality and it was Your reality too. You were a real part of this reality.
However, I will tell you about my philosophy… maybe you can use it too… Only while we are moving forward or shake, shiver, hustle and turn around ourselves, yet constantly constantly move – only then we come to see the light. The light comes suddenly, in a blink of an eye. It comes as a relief. It saves you from the headache of not knowing what to do and how to feel or act.
It really comes. No matter how much one suffers, that blink of an eye always comes. Just let it come.
Today, with the trembling ease in my heart, I am telling You – trust me for the last time – I have no words to express how healing for my soul your love was and how grateful I am. The words are too small to tell you how much I wanted “us” and most of all, how much joy and love in Your life I wish You to still experience.
Yours,
G.

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Komentarų: 1

  1. myliupasauli said,

    lapkričio 17, 2013 at 11:31


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